In the usual order of things where someone passes away, they return home for the somber task of a funeral. But oh, the Italians seem to have twisted fate’s arm at the table of bureaucracy, and legendary daredevil Felix Baumgartner's journey to the afterlife is still in the waiting lounge.

In a village meeting gone awry, the news came thick: The adrenaline-soaked lives of extreme sports fans took a pit stop when Felix took his final leap into the skies and beyond. At just 56, his departure was swifter than a parachute-less fall from grace. Now, days have drifted by as Italians, with the enthusiasm of overzealous pasta chefs with a new recipe, stand their ground, unwilling yet to send his remains packing.

“They’re diving deeper into this quest for details than Felix ever did from space,” muttered Vasile, our local skeptic and occasional UFO spotter.

Rumor has it that investigators are dusting more layers than a lasagna. Maybe they think there's a chance he'll pull off one last stunt and jump back to life if they wait long enough!

While the village wives wag their tongues about these Mediterranean delays, the men are busy at the bar, betting why the Italians enjoy hoarding mysteries instead of olive oil this time.

“I say they’re planning a marathon of his jumps, starting from Spaghetti Hill to Pasta Valley,” jokes Ion, mid-raised pint, who claims he once witnessed Felix’s backyard trampoline skills before fame found him.

As villagers pen a heartfelt group telegram to speed up the Italian investigation—whether with promises of wine-scented air or just desperate pleas—one can only wonder what legal marathons await on the cobblestones of justice.

But rest assured, if we know anything about village legends, it’s that Felix will eventually come down, whether from the clouds or from Italian red tape. For now, we’ll just keep stirring the pot of gossip and wait. Maybe next time we’ll find out that the Italians inadvertently put him on one of those slow gondolas, and that's what’s taking so long.